Rated: PG-13 for crude and sexual content throughout, and language Genre: Comedies Theatrical Release:May 22, 2009 Wide Box Office: $12,622,450 Synopsis: “Dance Flick” is a hilarious new comedy that brings together the talents of two generations of the Wayans family, the explosively funny clan who brought us the “Scary Movie” franchise and “White...
“Dance Flick” is a hilarious new comedy that brings together the talents of two generations of the Wayans family, the explosively funny clan who brought us the “Scary Movie” franchise and “White Chicks,” as well as the groundbreaking TV series “In Living Color.”
Rated: PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, and language Genre: Science-Fiction/Fantasy Theatrical Release:May 21, 2009 Wide Box Office: $65,316,217 Synopsis: In the highly anticipated new installment of The Terminator film franchise, set in post-apocalyptic 2018, Christian Bale stars as John Connor, the man fated to lead the human resistance against...
In the highly anticipated new installment of The Terminator film franchise, set in post-apocalyptic 2018, Christian Bale stars as John Connor, the man fated to lead the human resistance against Skynet and its army of Terminators. But the future Connor was raised to believe in is altered in part by the appearance of Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington), a stranger whose last memory is of being on death row. Connor must decide whether Marcus has been sent from the future, or rescued from the past. As Skynet prepares its final onslaught, Connor and Marcus both embark on an odyssey that takes them into the heart of Skynet's operations, where they uncover the terrible secret behind the possible annihilation of mankind.
Starring: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Anton Yelchin, Moon Bloodgood, Bryce Dallas Howard, Common, Jane Alexander, Helena Bonham-Carter, Jadagrace Director: McG Screenwriter: Michael Ferris, John Brancato Producer: Moritz Borman, Derek Anderson, Victor Kubicek, Jeffrey Silver Composer: Danny Elfman Studio: Warner Bros.
Rated: PG-13 for sequences of violence, disturbing images and thematic material Genre: Action/Adventure Theatrical Release:May 15, 2009 Wide Synopsis: The team behind the global phenomenon The Da Vinci Code returns for the highly anticipated Angels & Demons, based upon the bestselling novel by Dan Brown. Tom Hanks reprises his role as Harvard...
The team behind the global phenomenon The Da Vinci Code returns for the highly anticipated Angels & Demons, based upon the bestselling novel by Dan Brown. Tom Hanks reprises his role as Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon, who once again finds that forces with ancient roots are willing to stop at nothing, even murder, to advance their goals. Ron Howard returns to direct the film, which is produced by Brian Grazer, Ron Howard, and John Calley. The screenplay is by David Koepp and Akiva Goldsman.
Starring: Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor, Ayelet Zurer, Stellan Skarsgaard Director: Ron Howard Screenwriter: David Koepp, Akiva Goldsman Producer: Brian Grazer, Ron Howard, John Calley Composer: Hans Zimmer Studio: Columbia Pictures
Rated: Not Rated Runtime: 1 hr 49 mins Genre: Dramas Theatrical Release:Mar 13, 2009 Limited Synopsis: After his critically acclaimed mood pieces Distant and Climates, Turkey’s leading filmmaker moves in a more plot-driven direction while retaining his mastery of ambiance and nuance. Winner of the...
After his critically acclaimed mood pieces Distant and Climates, Turkey’s leading filmmaker moves in a more plot-driven direction while retaining his mastery of ambiance and nuance. Winner of the Best Director prize at Cannes, Three Monkeys tells a twisty, noirish tale that opens with an ambitious politician fleeing a hit-and-run accident. Afraid of hurting his election chances, he pays off his chauffeur, Eyüp, to take the rap.
The film concerns the effects of this devil’s bargain on Eyüp’s shiftless son Ismail (who sees an expensive new car as his ticket to salvation), and on his restless wife, Hacer (who develops an ill-deserved passion for the oily politico). Ismail’s discovery of his mother's infidelity and Eyüp's suspicions after he gets out of jail crank up the simmering tensions in a household already haunted by hidden ghosts.
Rated: PG for sequences of sci-fi action violence and some thematic elements Runtime: 85 mins Genre: Science-Fiction/Fantasy Theatrical Release:May 1, 2009 Wide Synopsis: When the peaceful inhabitants of the beautiful planet Terra come under attack from the last surviving members of humanity adrift in an aging spaceship, the stage is set for an all-out war between...
When the peaceful inhabitants of the beautiful planet Terra come under attack from the last surviving members of humanity adrift in an aging spaceship, the stage is set for an all-out war between the two races for control of the planet. But will an unlikely friendship between a rebellious young Terrian (voiced by Evan Rachel Wood) and an injured human pilot (Luke Wilson) somehow convince their leaders that war is not the answer? A CG-animated science fiction action adventure, Battle for Terra is directed by Aristomenis Tsirbas (The Freak, Terra) from a screenplay by Evan Spiliotopoulos (The Jungle Book 2) and Tsirbas. The film is voiced by an all-star cast including Evan Rachel Wood (The Wrestler, Down in the Valley), Luke Wilson (3:10 to Yuma, Blades of Glory), Brian Cox (Zodiac, The Bourne Supremacy), David Cross (Kung Fu Panda, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), Justin Long (He’s Just Not That Into You, Zack and Miri Make a Porno), Amanda Peet (Syriana, A Lot Like Love), Dennis Quaid (Vantage Point, Far From Heaven), Chris Evans (Push, Sunshine), James Garner (The Notebook, Space Cowboys), Danny Glover (Shooter, The Royal Tenenbaums), Ron Perlman (Hellboy, Alien: Resurrection) and Danny Trejo (Halloween, Grindhouse). The film is produced by Keith Calder (The Wackness, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane), Ryan Colucci, Dane Allan Smith (TankUp.US, Terra) and Jessica Wu, with original music by Abel Korzeniowski (Metropolis). The film’s editors are J. Kathleen Gibson and Jim May.
Living in perfect harmony in gravity-defying cities above the clouds, the inhabitants of the planet Terra are complete strangers to war. So when Terra is invaded by human beings fleeing a civil war and environmental catastrophe, many of the Terrians at first welcome the invaders as gods. Only the feisty young Mala (Evan Rachel Wood) fights back, luring one of the invading spacecrafts to destruction after her father is abducted, then rescuing its pilot—a human named Jim (Luke Wilson). In return for saving his life, Jim promises to help Mala find her father, taking her on a perilous journey to the Ark—the humans’ aging mother ship. Along the way, Mala and Jim learn that their people really aren’t so different from one another. But with the Earthforce army poised to invade Terra and render it uninhabitable for Terrians, Mala and Jim must find a way to help the two races coexist—before it’s too late.
Starring: Evan Rachel Wood, Justin Long, Luke Wilson, Brian Cox, James Garner, Chris Evans, Danny Glover, Amanda Peet, David Cross, Dennis QuaidDirector: Aristomenis TsirbasScreenwriter: Evan SpiliotopoulosStory: Aristomenis TsirbasProducer: Keith Calder, Jessica Wu, Dane Allan Smith, Ryan ColucciComposer: Abel KorzeniowskiStudio: Lions Gate Films
Rated: PG-13 for sci-fi action and violence, and brief sexual content Genre: Science-Fiction/Fantasy Theatrical Release:May 8, 2009 Wide Synopsis: The greatest adventure of all time begins with Star Trek, the incredible story of a young crew’s maiden voyage onboard the most advanced starship ever created: the U.S.S. Enterprise. On a journey...
Starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban, Simon Pegg, Eric Bana, Anton Yelchin, Zoe Saldana, John Cho, Leonard Nimoy, Bruce Greenwood, Ben Cross, Winona Ryder Director: J.J. Abrams Screenwriter: Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci Producer: J.J. Abrams, Damon Lindelof Composer: Michael Giacchino Studio: Paramount Picture
Rated: PG-13 Genre: Science-Fiction/Fantasy Theatrical Release:May 1, 2009 Wide Synopsis: Hugh Jackman reprises the role that made him a superstar – as the fierce fighting machine who possesses amazing healing powers, retractable claws and a primal fury. Leading up to the events of...
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Danny Huston, Dominic Monaghan, Ryan ReynoldsDirector: Gavin HoodScreenwriter: David Benioff, Skip WoodsProducer: Lauren Shuler Donner, Ralph Winter, Hugh Jackman, John PalermoComposer: Harry Gregson-WilliamsStudio: 20th Century Fox
I left Narnia somewhat disappointed. But perhaps that was my fault. I almost forget it was a children's movie. I'll just start out and clarify that this movie falls far short of the grandeur and epic-dom of Lord of the Rings. It lacks the rich and incredibly deep, complicated, and fascinating storyline.
The PG violence, while not pathetic, lacks the dramatic intensity. The score, while professional, lacks the memorable themes and tunes, and just feels like classically expected suspense-strings and triumphant-brass. But let's forget comparisons to that three-movie mega-epic with an obsessive director. After all, C. S. Lewis wrote the book to be a children's story. This one is great in its own right. There are three requirements for transforming a beloved book into a magnificent movie. First, there must be a good story to tell. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is an excellent story, both allegorically and intrinsically. It's the forces of good vs. the reign of horrible evil, of course, yet there's also a little fun along the way. It has the escapist appeal of an imaginary world of talking creatures, yet it has the realist appeal of ordinary children coming to save the day.
Second, the story must be told correctly. Worries that Disney would corrupt the Christianity will be forgotten. Whether it's because some in charge appreciated the symbolism and vowed to preserve it, or because a post-Passion Hollywood was conscious that a correct telling would satisfy the religious masses and translate into more money, or both, Lion... follows the book, point by point, almost to an extreme, removing items only to speed things up and injecting alterations only to appropriately increase the suspense. (Exceptions are the one-thrust "battle" between Peter and Maugrim and the sometimes-wimpy climactic battle sequence, although as a whole it's probably the best ever in a PG movie.) The dialogue smartly declines to always have the actors quote the book, and there are no complaints here, as audiences will welcome the quotable quips and funny one-liners.
Third, the story must be presented wondrously. Or, in layman's terms, sweet special effects. Obviously, in the technology of 2005, nothing less is expected, and WETA and Co. do not disappoint. Whether it's the witch turning living creatures into stone, or the lion turning them back into living creatures, or especially the realistic-looking and enjoyable beavers, wolves, and centaurs, anyone who has seen the BBC versions will breathe a sigh of relief at the justice that has finally been done. (Indeed, I'm sure someone is already thanking God that there will never be a costumed mouse in Prince Caspian.)
Christians will be more than satisfied. Non-believers will enjoy the story for its own merit, and maybe even come to understand the story at the heart of Christianity a little better. Just don't forget that The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is, first and foremost, for better or for worse, a children's tale.
Rated: PG-13 for sexual material including some suggestive dialogue, some violence and thematic content
Genre: Dramas
Theatrical Release:Apr 24, 2009 Wide
Box Office: $28,612,730
Review :
"Obsessed," directed by Steve Shill, isn't very good. In fact, it's awful.
Of course, that probably wasn't the intention of everyone involved in making it, including Beyonce Knowles, who stars in the flick along with Idris Elba and Ali Larter and is listed in the credits as one of the flick's many producers (I think I saw Magic Johnson's name listed as a producer in the opening credits, too).
Everyone involved most likely thought they were making a classy, modern thriller in the vein of "Fatal Attraction." What they ended up with, however, is a gigantic mess.For the first forty or so minutes, the flick isn't that bad. It actually hovers around being decent. Elba plays Derek, a successful assets manager (he's the vice president of something or another at the company he works at, a company run by D-Day hisself, the great Bruce McGill) and a devoted family man (his wife, Sharon, is played by Beyonce) who ends up the target of the hot but psychotic stalker Lisa (Larter). The movie shows its hand almost immediately, letting us know that Lisa is up to no good when she meets Derek in an elevator and introduces herself as a temp. The music is somewhat ominous, and the way the camera focuses on her looking at him, you just know something bad is going to eventually happen. She flirts with Derek, but Derek doesn't really return the favor (he checks out her legs a few times, but beyond that he doesn't engage her. He is very nice to her, though). So some stuff happens, Lisa keeps running into Derek at weird times (she was originally supposed to temp for a day. She ends up temping for two weeks), you can tell more and more that she's really into him, but he doesn't return her the same kind of flirty attention. Again, he's just very, very nice to her. At the big, hedonistic business Christmas party (a party that doesn't allow spouses), Lisa tries to come onto him several times (she dances with him, tries to kiss him under the mistletoe), then confronts him in the bathroom. She thinks he wants to have sex with her in the stall. She rubs up against him, tries to kiss him, but he tells her to just get away. He is just not interested in her. And now he's kind of weirded out by the whole thing. Derek now knows that there's something very, very wrong with this woman, but he's not sure what he should do about it. Should he go to human resources and tell them about Lisa's behavior? Should he tell his wife Sharon? See, Derek has a bit of history when it comes to messing around with women at work. That's where he met Sharon. If he tells human resources, will they believe him or will they just assume that it's Derek being Derek? And if he tells Sharon, what the heck will she do (she told him when they got married that he could no longer have female assistants/temps at work)?
As you'd expect, the situation escalates, as Lisa shows up in his car wearing only a trench coat and lingerie, she sends sexy e-mails to his home computer, she even shows up at a company retreat, poses as his wife, drugs him and has black out sex with him, then drugs herself in his bed in an attempted suicide. This is Derek's lowest point, as the situation basically becomes public knowledge (McGill's Joe Gage finds out about it, Jerry O'Connell's Ben finds out more about it, and, worst of all, Sharon finds out about it) and no one believes that he didn't start having an affair with Lisa. Derek's life becomes total hell. Sharon throws him out of the house, he loses clients to other managers at the firm, and the police detective (Reese, as played by Christine Lahti) investigating Lisa and the attempted suicide doesn't believe him. And then, for reasons that make no sense until you remember that Beyonce's name appears as one of the flick's producers, the movie stops being about Derek and becomes all about Beyonce's Sharon forgiving Derek, freaking about how her family was hurt, and then saying that she planned on beating the crap out of Lisa if she ever confronted Derek again. If you've seen the trailer for the movie, you know what happens in that regard. And while the Beyonce-Ali Larter fight, on its own, as its own thing is kind of fun (it'll make for a nice movie fight clip on youtube some day), it's really just the ridiculous conclusion to a movie that has no business veering off into "Beyonce is a strong woman and ain't gonna take no shit from some blonde bitch in her underwear" world. What the hell does Beyonce's Sharon being a strong woman have to do with anything that happens in the first part of the movie?
Nothing.
"Obsessed" is not Beyonce's movie (well, it shouldn't be). If it wanted to be her movie it should have focused on her character from the beginning (we'd know more about her trying to earn a degree). It should have focused on how she's suspicious of her husband's potential flirting around at work with the pretty blonde chick. If that had happened, maybe the big blow up scene in the middle of the movie, Beyonce's "award moment" where she throws Derek out of the house, would have made sense and mattered more. By that point in the movie we would have likely had a better understanding of Derek's office romance history and why Sharon had any reason to be concerned. But we don't get any of that information in any kind of detail. We're just told about it in passing and we're supposed to just accept it and get behind Sharon because she's a woman done wrong. Derek lied to her. That bastard. And when he eventually "makes it up to her" and she lets him back in the house, I guess we're supposed to go "Yes! Yes! He now respects her!" or some hooey. But you'll most likely end up wondering why the movie needs a long "Derek tries to make up with his wife" montage as it really has nothing to do with anything. Again, we're never really given any real reason to lose respect for Derek and get behind Sharon. Why isn't the movie focusing on what the movie started focusing on in the first place, Lisa's obsession with Derek? Isn't this supposed to be Derek's movie to begin with? It just doesn't make any sense.
Elba is excellent as Derek. He embodies the sort of ultimate family man image without making it seem corny or lame. He also plays the alpha male business man with remarkable ease. He also has great chemistry with both Beyonce and Larter. His best scenes are actually with Larter, as he makes it clear again and again as the situation between the two of them escalates that he has absolutely no interest in her. Larter isn't bad as Lisa, even though she isn't given much of a character to play. She's just supposed to be evil and obsessed and that's it and she does a pretty okay job of it. She's sexy, she gives off that "deadly intelligence" vibe that you need for these kinds of obsessed psycho characters, and she can fight when she has to.
And then there's Beyonce as Sharon. She's pretty decent at the beginning of the movie. You don't really understand why she's so dang suspicious of her husband, but she's warm and she has good chemistry with Elba. She's also nice to look at (that's never a minus). However, when the movie veers off into "Beyonce is a strong woman!" Sharon is just annoying because, as I said above, the movie isn't about her, or at least it shouldn't be about her, it should be about Derek. Sharon shouldn't be proactive and an ass kicker. There's nothing wrong with her being a fighter and going toe to toe with Lisa in a fight (in theory) and even being a protective mother, but why does she need to say "bitch" so much? Where the hell does that stuff come from? It just doesn't make any sense.
Jerry O'Connell is funny as Ben, the male pseudo jock douchebag. Mathew Humphrey's is good as Patrick, the flaming homosexual assistant to Elba's Derek. I would have loved to see more stuff between Patrick and Lisa, as Lisa uses Patrick to get information about Derek's family and work life. They have good chemistry, too. McGill does his usual outstanding job as Joe Gage, the boorish, womanizing drunk business owner that says it's nice to have sexy women around the office (McGill is one of the best at being a sleazebag). Christine Lahti is okay as the detective Reese (she doesn't really do much beyond accuse Derek of lying about not having an affair with Lisa. You'll likely be surprised by how her character doesn't die at the end. I know I was surprised). And Scout Taylor-Compton, the new Laurie Strode in Rob Zombie's horrendous "Halloween" franchise, shows up in a bit part as a babysitter. Is it me or does she look like she's twelve here?
"Obsessed" should have been so much better. It set itself to be, at least, a decent enough little thriller. But it apparently wanted to be a mess, so that's what it does. It ends up a mess and an awful time at the movies. Avoid this movie as much as you can. But, if you're just compelled to see it (I have no idea why you would be compelled, but it could happen) just be aware that you will be disappointed by it. I can pretty much guarantee it.
Don't see "Obsessed."
So what do we have here? Gratuitous up beat R&B opening titles music, a Cadillac SUV, gratuitous Beyonce, Beyonce removing a "For Sale" sign from the front yard of her new house, burning up a "For Sale" sign in the fireplace, gratuitous Beyonce walking around her new empty house smiling and being sexy, an attic that looks like a basement, gratuitous ceiling mirror, attempted carpet sex, gratuitous hot blonde chick in the elevator, gratuitous flirting, hand touching, gratuitous Bruce "D-Day" McGill, gratuitous Jerry O'Connell, gratuitous internets research, dirty diaper changing, champagne drinking, gratuitous flaming male secretary, sexy female thighs, gratuitous Beyonce studying to get a degree and looking sexy in glasses, an awkward meeting, a mix CD, gratuitous office IM'ing, an old lady secretary with massive arm fat, tie picking, the world's greatest bar hamburger, gratuitous drunk and sexy company Christmas party, gratuitous attempted mistletoe kissing, attempted men's room stall sex, shiny rims, gratuitous Ali Larter showing up in a car wearing only a trench coat and sexy lingerie, a great family Christmas, sexy e-mails, a blue smiley face that winks, gratuitous Al Larter wearing a hot red dress, date rape, gratuitous iced tea drinking, attempted crazy bitch suicide, a big family blow up, gratuitous Derek trying to make it up to his wife montage, gratuitous Christine Lahti, gratuitous Beyonce wearing a hot black dress, gratuitous Scout Taylor-Compton, attempted kidnapping, a defiled family portrait, installing a home security system, lawn sprinklers, dress shirt fondling, gratuitous hot chick fight that's just ridiculous, lamp breaking, using a broken lamp as a spear, face kicking, stair rolling, two-by-four beatdown, ceiling hooey, massive glass coffee table breaking, chandelier breaking, and a freeze frame ending that's just bullshit.
Best lines: "You're a temp?," "Are you following me?," "You better watch out, girl. He's married," "Whose legs are those?," "What do you think about giving that magic mirror another test drive?," "I'm just waiting on you," "I think you'll find I'm not your typical temp," "It's nice to meet you, Sharon," "If you think you can pump me for information with a couple of cosmos, you're right," "Excuse me, can I have a dirty martini?," "Hey, office asshole. That's Mr. office asshole," "Lisa! Get out of my car now!," "Maybe you are an asshole," "Do you have a horseshoe up your ass? You're the luckiest guy I know," "Does that feel good?," "Bitch breathe!," "Wait, she was naked in your bed?," "This is bullshit," "Move your foot, Derek," "What am I supposed to do now? Buy a gun?,” “Just try me, bitch!,” “Did you not get my message?,” and “You are completely delusional.”
Starring: Idris Elba, Beyonce Knowles, Ali Larter, Bruce McGill, Jerry O'Connell, Christine Lahti
Director: Steve Shill
Screenwriter: David Loughery, Will Packer
Composer: Jim Dooley
Studio: Sony Pictures Entertainment
Rated: R for frenetic strong bloody violence throughout, crude and graphic sexual content, nudity and pervasive language Runtime: 85 mins Genre: Action/Adventure Theatrical Release:Apr 17, 2009 Wide Box Office: $11,735,952 Review : It has taken only three years for Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) to end his long fall from a helicopter at the end of “Crank.
”Waiting for him at a busy Los Angeles intersection are a bunch of Chinese mobsters, who shovel the hit man off the street, remove his heart and substitute a machine. Without constant recharging, Chev — and the “Crank” franchise — will die. Like its predecessor, “Crank: High Voltage,” the latest abomination from Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, is boorish, bigoted and borderline pornographic. As Chev charges around town searching for his stolen organ — juicing himself with jumper cables, a Taser and a bout of old-lady frottage — the plot vigorously abuses Mexicans, Asians, women and the disabled with equal-opportunity glee. Bearing the brunt of the punishment is Chev’s pole-dancing girlfriend (Amy Smart) and a besotted Asian hooker (Bai Ling); apparently Chev’s resemblance to a rutting bull is not limited to his neck and personality.
Fans of the original (and you are out there) will be thrilled to discover that the director of photography, Brandon Trost, seems confused about the meaning of the term “private parts” and that the filmmakers are still resisting maturity. “Isn’t everybody looking for their heart?” Mr. Neveldine asks in the press notes. On this evidence, it seems unlikely. “Crank: High Voltage” is rated R (Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian). Nipples are sliced, breast implants pierced and horses frightened.
Starring: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Clifton Collins, Efren Ramirez, Bai Ling, David Carradine, Reno Wilson, Joseph Julian Soria, Dwight Yoakam, Corey Haim, Keone Young, Art Hsu Director: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor Screenwriter: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor Producer: Tom Rosenberg, Gary Lucchesi, Richard Wright, Skip Williamson Composer: Mike Patton Studio: Lions Gate Films
Rated : PG-13 for sexual content throughout, some language and a drug reference Genre: Comedies Theatrical Release:May 1, 2009 Wide Review : Hmmm. What would happen if we took the premise of A Christmas Carol, applied it to a romantic comedy, and cast Matthew McConaughey in the Scrooge role?
Here it is, for your consideration, folks: The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. It’s pretty much exactly what you’d expect from a McConaughey rom-com, although during the moments that I was conscious, I don’t believe I actually saw him without a shirt. The saddest part of all is that Jennifer Garner — who is charming, despite being a less than mediocre actress — will play his love interest. Really, Jennifer? A McConaughey film? You’re better than that, lady. This is most certainly not how you return from your baby-making hiatus. Violet is going to be so disappointed in you one day.
Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Lacey Chabert, Michael Douglas, Emma Stone, Anne Archer, Robert Forster, Breckin Meyer, Amanda Walsh Director: Mark Waters Screenwriter: Scott Moore, John Lucas Producer: Jon Shestack, Brad Epstein Composer: Rolfe Kent Studio: New Line Cinema
Rated: PG-13 for sexual content and brief strong language. Runtime: 2 hrs 9 mins Genre: Comedies Theatrical Release:Feb 6, 2009 Wide Box Office: $93,409,454 Review : The good Dr. Freud once asked, what do women want? To judge by the recent crop of what are often sneeringly referred to as chick flicks, today’s woman wants designer threads
, extravagant weddings and a generous helping of public humiliation served up with laughs, most at her expense.Where have you gone, Thelma and Louise? Oh, right: those gun-toting runaway heroines played by Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon, who wore old blue jeans and confidently put the moves on the men in their lives in Ridley Scott’s 1991 outlaw female fantasy, drove off the cliff at their big finish. You have been missed, ladies. I bring up Mr. Scott’s film because whenever faced with another puerile movie ostensibly about women, I play a little game called What Would Thelma and Louise Do? Consider, for instance, the scene from “He’s Just Not That Into You” in which the perennially disappointed Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin) says goodnight to her first-time, last-time date, a real estate agent, Conor (Kevin Connolly). As she clings to his every diffident word, her wide eyes shining and smile as fixed as that of the Joker, Gigi comes across less like the bubbly young thing she’s meant to be and pretty much like a crazy person. She walks off and immediately calls a friend to say that the date went well. A few yards away, Conor rings another woman.
What would Thelma have done? Well, she might have bedded Conor with gusto (and no marriage plans), as she does a hitchhiker with miles of muscle played by the young Brad Pitt. (Her greatest lament: he rips her off.) And Louise? Given that her lover is played by the gruff and grown-up Michael Madsen, I like to think she wouldn’t even have bothered with Conor. (That, or shot him.) Adult women like Louise might pull a Mrs. Robinson on special occasions, though not if there’s a man like Mr. Madsen steaming up the room. But adults have become something of an endangered species in big studio movies, particularly in romantic comedies, where female desire now largely seems reserved for shoes, wedding bells and babies. These days Hollywood is taking its storybook cues from that old children’s ditty: Mary and Johnny sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G First comes love, then comes marriage Then comes Mary with a baby carriage Such is more or less the reductive case in “He’s Just Not That Into You,” which is based on an obnoxious so-called advice book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, which in turn took its inspiration from the HBO series “Sex and the City.” The book’s title refers to an episode in which Carrie’s man du jour, Berger, bluntly puts Miranda straight about a guy she’s dating. Miranda thinks she’s receiving mixed messages, but men are just not that complicated, Berger says. The guy simply isn’t interested. The movie “He’s Just Not That Into You,” directed by Ken Kwapis and written by Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein, takes this bit from a 30-minute show and turns it into an overextended 2 hours and 12 minutes. Mostly it does this by turning Gigi simultaneously into a joke (by playing her desperation for laughs) and a victim (by playing her desperation for tears). It’s a grotesque representation of female desire, one that the appealing Ms. Goodwin can’t save from caricature. It says something about the romantic comedies coming out of Hollywood that the character Ms. Goodwin plays on the HBO series “Big Love,” the youngest wife in a polygamous Mormon marriage, is treated with far more dignity than Gigi. Despite this, there are a few nice moments, most courtesy of Jennifer Connelly, as the wife, and Scarlett Johansson, as the mistress, of an understandably gaga lawyer, Ben (Bradley Cooper), who doesn’t deserve either of them. Usually tightly wound even when she’s meant to be falling apart, Ms. Connelly cuts loose and goes (relatively) dark with her character, Janine. When she learns of her husband’s infidelity, you can see the storm — the shock, the hurt, the confusion — gathering in her face. Even better, you have no idea if Janine will break into pieces. Life has knocked her sideways, and Ms. Connolly keeps the character there for a while, inserting a bit of the unknown into the otherwise predictable proceedings. Ms. Johansson’s Anna is, of course, the designated bad girl — she’s also the woman Conor dials after his date with Gigi — but the role doesn’t stick. Ms. Johansson seems too comfortable in her own beautiful skin to pay attention to wagging fingers, particularly when they belong to a twerp like Conor, who delivers a late sermon about her commitment issues. One problem with the movie is that, aside from Ben Affleck, who plays Jennifer Aniston’s marriage-phobic boyfriend, the actors are seriously outmatched by the actresses. Justin Long, the guy from the Macintosh ads, and Ms. Goodwin are a questionable-enough match. But Ms. Johansson and Mr. Connolly, the second guy on the left in the HBO series “Entourage,” make no sense. She’s Scarlett Johansson, for goodness’ sake! It’s worth noting that in a movie ostensibly dedicated to the relationship worries of the modern (straight) woman, Anna is also the only one in the distaff batch with an active, seemingly pleasurable sex life. Most of the other women are too busy trying to land men, trying to hold on to men or ruining their relationships with men to actually have sex. (Drew Barrymore, meanwhile, pops up a few times, often surrounded by wisecracking gay men.) Imagine an action flick in which the hero spends the entire movie chasing the villain without the compensatory satisfaction of smashing his enemy to smithereens. There’s a reason action producers like Jerry Bruckheimer blow stuff up in their movies: They know what men want.
Synopsis: Based on the wildly popular bestseller from Sex and the City scribes Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, He's Just Not That Into You tells the stories of a group of interconnected, Baltimore-based... Based on the wildly popular bestseller from Sex and the City scribes Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, He's Just Not That Into You tells the stories of a group of interconnected, Baltimore-based twenty- and thirtysomethings as they navigate their various relationships from the shallow end of the dating pool through the deep, murky waters of married life, trying to read the signs of the opposite sex... and hoping to be the exceptions to the "no-exceptions" rule. Gigi just wants a man who says he'll call--and does--while Alex advises her to stop sitting by the phone. Beth wonders if she should call it off after years of committed singlehood with her boyfriend, Neil, but he doesn't think there's a single thing wrong with their unmarried life. Janine's not sure if she can trust her husband, Ben, who can't quite trust himself around Anna. Anna can't decide between the sexy married guy, or her straightforward, no-sparks standby, Conor, who can't get over the fact that he can't have her. And Mary, who's found an entire network of loving, supportive men, just needs to find one who's straight. If you've ever sat by the phone wondering why he said he would call, but didn't, or if you can't figure out why she doesn't want to sleep with you anymore, or why your relationship just isn't going to the next level... he (or she) is just not that into you. The film boasts an all-star cast, including Academy Award® winner Ben Affleck (Good Will Hunting, Hollywoodland) as Neil; Jennifer Aniston (Marley & Me) as Beth; Drew Barrymore (Music and Lyrics) as Mary; Academy Award® winner Jennifer Connelly (A Beautiful Mind, The Day the Earth Stood Still) as Janine; Kevin Connolly (HBO's Entourage) as Conor; Bradley Cooper (Yes Man) as Ben; Ginnifer Goodwin (Walk the Line, HBO's Big Love) as Gigi; Scarlett Johansson (Vicky Cristina Barcelona) as Anna; Kris Kristofferson (Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story) as Ken; and Justin Long (Live Free or Die Hard) as Alex.
Starring: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly, Kevin Connolly, Bradley Cooper, Ginnifer Goodwin, Scarlett Johansson, Justin Long, Kris Kristofferson Director: Ken Kwapis Screenwriter: Abby Kohn, Marc Silverstein Producer: Nancy Juvonen Composer: Cliff Eidelman Studio: New Line Cinema
Rated: PG for some mild language and thematic elements. Runtime: 1 hr 45 mins Genre: Comedies Theatrical Release:Feb 13, 2009 Wide Box Office: $43,879,066 Review : After enduring both Bride Wars and He’s Just Not That Into You I went into Confessions of a Shopaholic expecting it to be the best of the bunch, although I didn’t think it would blow the doors off.
Sure, it is still pushing female stereotypes with an emphasis on shopping, but the always enjoyable Isla Fisher is not only pleasing to the eye, but fun to watch at the same time so how bad could it really be.Unfortunately the answer to that question is bad, and I mean really bad. Bride Wars began with a premise that was doomed from the outset and He’s Just Not That Into You unabashedly hates women and did nothing to hide it. But Confessions of a Shopaholic has such a softball storyline it is astonishing how the film actively tries to get worse and worse as it plays on.
Synopsis: Based on a pair of effervescent novels by Sophie Kinsella, CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC is a light and bubbly confection that should appeal to those who can identify with its heroine's passion.... Based on a pair of effervescent novels by Sophie Kinsella, CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC is a light and bubbly confection that should appeal to those who can identify with its heroine's passion. Rebecca Bloomwood (Isla Fisher, WEDDING CRASHERS) has a label-filled wardrobe that any fashionista would covet, but she also has credit card debt to match. She craves a job at the Vogue-like Alette, but a position at a financial magazine at the same publishing company may be her ticket in. Despite her painfully low credit rating, Becky starts dishing out advice on saving, while debt collector Derek Smeath (character actor Robert Stanton) is hot on her Louboutin heels. Meanwhile, she is competing for the affections of her charming boss, Luke Brandon (Hugh Dancy, THE JANE AUSTEN BOOK CLUB), with icy Alette employee Alicia Billington (Leslie Bibb, IRON MAN). A well-heeled hybrid of SEX AND THE CITY and THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA, SHOPAHOLIC features the talents of Patricia Field, costume designer for those two films. The clothes are almost on an equal footing with the actors here, and each well-chosen piece in Manhattan shop windows or worn by Bloomwood helps contribute to the film's bright mood. A lesser actress might have been lost in all the colors, but Fisher is a formidable comic presence who pulls off Becky's ditzy lines and goofy falls with equal aplomb. Those hoping for a smart discourse on the perils of credit cards and excess spending are certainly watching the wrong film, but SHOPAHOLIC may just be the fashion equivalent of food porn for dieters.
Starring: Isla Fisher, Hugh Dancy, Joan Cusack, John Goodman, John Lithgow, Kristin Scott Thomas, Fred Armisen, Leslie Bibb, Julie Hagerty, Krysten Ritter, Robert Stanton, Christine Ebersole, Clea Lewis, Wendie Malick, Stephanie March Director: P.J. Hogan Screenwriter: Tim Firth, Tracey Jackson Producer: Jerry Bruckheimer Composer: James Newton Howard Studio: Buena Vista Internationa
Rated: R for pervasive language, sexual content including nudity, and some drug material Genre: Comedies Theatrical Release:Jun 5, 2009 Wide Review : Based apparently on the reception of one brilliant teaser trailer and a recent full-length trailer, Warner Brothers has decided not to wait around and see how The Hangover performs at the box office this June, deciding to go ahead and greenlight a multimillion script for a sequel
,which will be penned by Todd Phillips and Scot Armstrong (neither of whom have writing credits for the original, though Phillips directed it and is signed on to direct the second entry).This is the second time in a week that a studio has greenlit a sequel before the first installment had even debuted widely — last week, Paramount gave the go-ahead for a Star Trek sequel.
This one, however, is a bit more unusual, in that it’s not based on a franchise with an existing fanbase. Warner is making the decision based on strong test screenings and a positive reaction to footage from that film at ShoWest. You know what else had strong test screenings? Adventureland. It opened with $6 million, and it had Kristen Stewart, who at least has had some box-office success. The Hangover stars Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, and Zack Galifianakis, none of whom have achieved box-office success on their own (and only Cooper has done so as part of an ensemble). Of course, the flick does look brilliant, though Todd Phillips hasn’t exactly given us a lot of consistency: He directed Road Trip and Old School, but he also directed the awful School for Scoundrels and the not-much-better Starsky and Hutch. And, we’re talking about a bachelor party comedy here — is the idea for the sequel that another member of the trio get hitched, thus creating another opportunity for a bachelor party? Or will they get hungover in a different fashion? I don’t get the rush. There have been enough movies with considerable online buzz surrounding them that have not performed up to expectations (Snakes on a Plane, Zack and Miri Make a Porno) to make studios skittish, so I’m not sure why they don’t at least wait until the Monday after the film opens before greenlighting a sequel. But, then again, they’ve never been known for their business savvy.
Starring: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Justin Bartha, Jeffrey Tambor, Rachel Harris, Heather Graham, Rob Riggle Director: Todd Phillips Screenwriter: Jon Lucas, Scott Moore, Todd Phillips, Jeremy Garelick Story: Jon Lucas, Scott Moore Producer: Todd Phillips, Daniel Goldberg Studio: Warner Bros.
Rated: Not Rated Genre: Comedies Theatrical Release:Jun 5, 2009 Wide Reviews : The teaser trailer for Land of the Lost debuted during last week’s Super Bowl, and now the first full length trailer has arrived. I don’t have a lot of memory of the original television show, but it’s fairly evident that the updated movie doesn’t hew particularly close to the original’s premise.
The original was about a park ranger and his two kids who slipped into a time warp during a rafting trip and wound up in a world of dinosaurs. Here, Will Ferrell still plays a park ranger, but he also appears to be a scientist of some sort, and he apparently swapped his two kids for some colleagues (the luminous Anna Friel and the not-so-luminous Danny McBride). ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Basically, it looks like Ferrell has swapped out afros, basketballs, race cars, ice skates, and soccer balls for dinosaurs, which is to say: It looks like every other Will Ferrell movie, which is also to say: It’ll make eleventy cajillion dollars and probably spawn a sequel. Fortunately, few — if any folks — have a particular attachment to the television show, which means we have no real memories available for roofies. It’s just a creepy, inappropriate touching of our childhoods.
Starring: Will Ferrell, Danny McBride, Anna Friel, Jorma Taccone Director: Brad Silberling Screenwriter: Chris Henchy, Dennis McNicholas Producer: Jimmy Miller, Sid Krofft, Marty Krofft Studio: Universal Pictures
Rated: PG-13 for crude and sexual content throughout, brief strong language and comic violence Genre: Comedies Theatrical Release:Jun 19, 2009 Wide Synopsis: When a couple of lazy hunter-gatherers (Jack Black and Michael Cera) are banished from their primitive village, they set off on an epic journey through the ancient world in Columbia Pictures'...
Starring: Jack Black, Michael Cera, Oliver Platt, David Cross, Hank Azaria, Paul Rudd Director: Harold Ramis Screenwriter: Harold Ramis, Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg Story: Harold Ramis Producer: Judd Apatow, Harold Ramis, Clayton Townshend Studio: Soda Pictures
Rated: PG-13 for language, some sexual material and teen partying
Genre: Comedies Theatrical Release:Apr 17, 2009 Wide Box Office: $39,970,000 Reviews : For the past few years, Zac Efron has made a fairly good living by way of his dazzling smile, mediocre voice, and undeniable talent for shaking what his momma gave him. Certainly, teen girls do go wild when this dreamboat bats those long, curly lashes and flashes the six-pack abs, but that’s not enough for him.
To shed his wholesome High School Musical reputation, Efron, to his credit, has bypassed the “leaked personal photos” shortcut that his female costars have favored. However, parents should be strongly cautioned that 17 Again carries a hard PG-13 rating for mild language, strong sexuality, borderline incest, and underage drinking. Director Burr Steers (Igby Goes Down) and screenwriter Jason Filardi (Bringing Down the House) attempt to staple 17 Again together as a playful remix of such semi-celebrated fare as Big, It’s a Wonderful Life, 18 Again!, and Freaky Friday, but the final product lands at half-mast in rough and non-navigable waters. The filmmakers have failed to smoothly guide Efron’s transitory star vehicle that would, ideally, set their boy wonder up for a more mature audience in the future. Unfortunately, the markedly risque material of 17 Again results in a visibly uncomfortable Efron, who has yet to remove that halo from his perfectly coiffed head. The onscreen result is quite disorienting, and, despite Efron’s obvious charisma, his acting range leaves much to be desired. Quite simply, one is left with the impression of a cherub that walks into an orgy but is unable to participate, run like hell, or do anything but awkwardly gesticulate. Not that the shortcomings of this film or its star will be noticed by Efron’s fanbase, however, for they’ll be too busy swooning to care about trivial things such as acting. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The film opens in 1989 to a chorus of audience catcalls at the mere sight of a shirtless, sweaty, high-school senior, Mike O’Donnell (Efron), who is about to lead his basketball team to victory in front of college athletic recruiters. At this very moment, Mike’s future is so fucking bright that he joins the cheerleading squad in an impromptu courtside dance (all-to-familiar territory for Efron). Then, the girlfriend, Scarlet (Allison Miller) shows up, drops the pregnancy bomb, and urges Mike not to give up his dreams for her. Naturally, a white man can’t possibly jump after news like this, so Mike leaves the court, runs after Scarlet, and proposes marriage. Twenty years later, he wakes up looking like Matthew Perry. Alcohol, apparently, is one hell of a drug. At 37 years of age, Mike (appearing quite rough as Perry) has grown into a very bitter individual. For starters, he missed out on college and, ironically, spent his life pimping erectile dysfunction drugs. On the home front, things aren’t so great either. Mike’s two teenage children, Maggie (Michelle Trachtenberg) and Alex (Sterling Knight), treat their father like a distant relative that shows up at holiday dinners and says all sorts of inappropriate things while downing a cooler full of beer. Meanwhile, Scarlet (now played by Leslie Mann), after dealing with enough of her husband’s crap and feeling responsible for his “failed” life, has filed for divorce and started dating other douchebags. Of course, we’re not exactly sure why, after 20 years together, Mike and Scarlet are seeking a divorce because, clearly, they still seem to love each other a lot, but, obviously, consistency isn’t one of this film’s main attractions. Poor Mike doesn’t know what happened to his once-promising existence, but he’s a few mere millimeters away from becoming one of those late 30-something cynics, saddled with two child support payments, who frequent those awful online dating sites filled with 75 percent guys, 20 percent hot sexy chat bots, and 5 percent actual women. Fortunately, high-school buddy Ned (Thomas Lennon, who saves the film from total unfunniness), who is now a billionaire and living the ultimate geekboy existence by doing nothing at all, takes Mike into his home. Ned’s presence livens up the movie enough for the audience to stay awake long enough for Zac Efron to return to the screen. To that end, Brian Doyle-Murray (brother of Bill) plays a Wizard/Janitor, who takes pity on Matthew Perry and allows him to become Zac Efron once again. Thus, Mike gets a chance to redo his life. With the benefit of hindsight, Mike is a sensitive guy. Instead of merely reliving his glorious youth, he decides that it’s his personal mission to attend high school with his children and help them along in that awkward phase referred to as “normal adolescence.” So, Mike fashions himself as Uncle Ned’s bastard child and is shocked to find out the truth: (1) Alex is a total wimp; (2) Maggie spends most of her school day getting tongue-bathed by a bully named Stan (Hunter Parrish). Mike is not only disappointed but feels he may have contributed to all of this, so he articulates his regrets by preaching celibacy in the middle of sex-ed class (taught by an amazingly docile Margaret Cho). As expected, Maggie ends up crushing on her father, and, in a scene that’s at least ten times as creepy as Lea Thompson hitting on Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future, Mike is chased around a bedroom by Maggie, who, for some unknown reason, is roaring and growling like a lioness. As if this isn’t skeevy enough, Mike also tries to romance his soon-to-be ex-wife; for her part, Scarlet assumes Mike is merely a cougar-chasing cub but is startled at his resemblance to her husband. Much presumed hilarity ensues. The talented Leslie Mann does her best to make us believe that Efron and Perry inhabit the same character, but, in the end, it’s just not in the script or in the actors themselves. Even in a film containing swirling vortexes and transference spells, there’s just nothing that can convince us that two actors, who look nothing alike and are of limited range, can pull off such a trick of wizardry. Walking out of the theater, you’ll leave feeling rather disgusted that the potential for a slightly amusing PG-13 film went so wrong. Further, you’ll feel shameful and dirty, and not in a good way either. If Efron wants to move on to more mature roles, he’d do well to work with a solid script and a director who can provide much firmer guidance. Still, that dazzling smile will ensure the ticket sales needed to help ruin several other subsequent films. The future is dim.
Starring: Zac Efron, Matthew Perry, Leslie Mann, Thomas Lennon, Michelle Trachtenberg, Sterling Knight, Melora HardinDirector: Burr SteersScreenwriter: Jason FilardiProducer: Adam Shankman, Jennifer GibgotComposer: Rolfe KentStudio: New Line Cinema
Rated: PG-13 for crude and sexual content throughout, and language
